She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want a musical about memes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
