you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
