i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
