clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
