I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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