when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
