I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
