We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
