"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
