Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
