I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
