piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
