he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
