I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
