I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
