And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
