yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
