Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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