watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
