operation harelip BJ is a go
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
