Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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