Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
