Can i not drive my cunt home
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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