I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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