I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
