Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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