ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
