Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
