Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
