i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
