Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
