well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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