That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
