I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
