Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
