dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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