During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just high enough for therapy.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
