Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
