I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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