party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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