She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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