Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
