I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
