You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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