I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
