So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
