Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
