I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
