A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
