i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
