I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
