2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
